Monday, July 21, 2008

The Art of the Start...Peek Aren't You Curious


As I sit here on a Sunday morning, I think about the choices we all make, active and inactive.  A few years ago, my ( now ) husband and I would talk about what we want our life to include and how we could go about making it happen. 

As we took walks together, we talked about his kids and how we wanted to spend our time as a family, as much time with the kids as possible, having children of our own, the opportunity to work with creative people, build a concept that we were truly proud of and one that held our beliefs and dreams. For the first time, I found myself giving voice to the boxes of children's clothes, books and toys I had collected from my years of travel and truthfully my hopes to start a family. The boxes that I could not open up litterally or conceptually over the years. As we talked, I kept thinking about how much I love children, the freedom of expression, the emotions that pour out of them, the world through their eyes. As a child myself, I had been fortunate in some ways and less so in others. I always imagined what it would be like to love and adore children of my own.  As we talked, ideas started to form. 

For years, I had been working for companies, with smart and creative people who often became some of my closest friends. I never planned my career with the exception of dilligently pursuing an internship in Retail during my Junior year in College. From there, I was lucky enough to work for and meet some great people along the way-ending up years later in a company that I basically grew up in. After fourteen years, and a change in Management, it was clear that it was finally time to move on. Moving on include a new job, a new city ( LA ) and a new outlook on life. It was if the world had completely opened up. 

Meeting Scott at work, I saw a different life. I found a partner who shared the same dreams and a love for life and adventure that I never new. We found in each other a balance between learning, growing and supporting each other and with that, dreams came pouring out of our hearts and heads. For now, it was about wanting and creating. 

As we stepped back, and really decided ( slowly at first ) to start our company I was incredibly optimistic and scared. The security that we had known for so long was gone, and yet it was as if that world no longer fit. This world is a new world-one of risk, adventure, learning, failure, joy and tremendous personal growth. It is taking some getting used to, mostly as I learn that it requires constant dedication, honesty and a commitment like nothing I have ever done. 

I think back at all that we have done and learned...Finding a partner, starting a business entity, creating a concept, finding an office space, registering our trademarks, developing a fund raising plan, partnering with great manufactures,  hiring the first team members, establishing creative partnerships, opening the first store, going to trade shows, creating all of the elements of the brand, sharing the concept with the real estate community, moving into a bigger office, reconnecting with old friends, getting and shipping our first order to Barney's, getting on Daily Candy...I would not have it any other way. 

To those who have joined us, all I can say is thank you for helping make our dreams come true. 

Saturday, July 19, 2008

One step Closer

Just off the phone with our clinical coordinator. We have had a few appointments to prep for our IVF cycle, and today getting down to all the detail. Our clinical coordinator had a " minor procedure yesterday" so we had our meeting over the phone. Before the call, in my usual fashion, I was thinking I wanted both of us to be on the call so we could go through all of this together, understand what was coming up and just because. The other side of me of course thought, maybe I should just take the call myself and take notes to review with Scott later. Must be thinking I should not bother him with the details of this, and of course missing that we both are in this together. He wants to actually be on the phone, has been at all the appointments and is as excited and scared as I ( in different ways ) to have a baby together and add another child to our family.

Hmmm..I always thought I would not fall into any stereotypes. Would not feel badly about not being able to get pregnant without assistance, not feel emotional that we could not have a romantic weekend or period of months where we were trying and then we were surprised to find out one month we were expecting. And yet, here we are. Scared, excited, proud, and moving one step closer. Surrounded by a lot of people who want to help. Family, Doctors, Friends, Folks from work. 
There is no pride in doing things alone and without effort, disappointment, loss. As I think back on the week, I realize that at so many moments, letting others in and truly stepping towards loved ones gave us all the chance to truly participate in life. It is hard to say out loud that the pain that comes from thinking you won't be able to get pregnant and then to realize there is so much that you try. To go through a few months of hoping that now that their are doctors involved, that despite some of the statistics that this should likely work for you. It is hard for me to imagine the day that we find out we are pregnant, maybe because I am afraid it may not come. 


My husband always says to me that we are incredibly fortunate to have and write a love story. We found each other, we want more for each other, and we love each other with out question. This is the next chapter. 

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A great day ( and night )


Just back from LA, spending time with friends last night, and then a dear dear friend this morning..What a great few days. 

Last night was fantastic...good friends, great laughs, a simple birthday bash poolside in West Hollywood. Close friends, lots of love and good conversation. 


The thank you note this morning from the bday girl...

" thank you for all of your beautiful presence and making my bday celebration so special. I love you. Namaste "

To she and her husband I say thank you as well...for fighting, supporting each other, going deeper and knowing that there is much still to be explored..Much love...and may everyday be a celebration of your life. 

Cupcake image courtesy of  Team sugar

Monday, July 14, 2008

Love and Loss

A close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer late last year...A surprise to all of us, as she is young, kind hearted, practices and has learned about her yoga practice in a complete and loving way. I was so sad when I heard the news originally through a good friend, and have held her in my heart and thoughts for the last year. I did not realize until today how afraid I am of losing her, or anyone I love. Why is it that the fear of loss, heavy in my heart causes me at times to pull away.
We have all experienced loss and pain, and have nursed friends and family back to health or closer to death in a loving way. Is it the loss of my own mother so early on? First to the disease and then to life itself? Was it the shielding of a child, the absence of honest conversation and feelings that causes me to be so good at moving on.
It is no longer who I want to be. I want to be there, every step of the way, loving, losing, and experiencing. I don't want to hide behind the to dos at work, or logistics...But it is hard.

Her life has been a rich and loving one. Her birthday and every other day is a true gift. Live Simply, Love often, Face fear and never walk alone.

Tonight a small birthday celebration and more a celebration of living a connected life.
To my life partner, thank you for continuing to show me the way.

A day at the Beach....( The February Version )




A Day at the Beach...I was looking back at some old photos, and love this series....We were down in Los Angeles, after we opened our first store and were doing a really informal photo shoot with a friend. 

The kids were totally relaxed, running around and enjoying a February day at the Beach. 

Everything is better with kids....

Friday, July 11, 2008

Through a child's eyes.


A fun afternoon....the kids came home after camp yesterday with their step brother who is visiting for 6 weeks from Florida. He lives with his mom and comes to see his Father, Stepmom, and the kids on school holidays and vacations. Scott told me about the afternoon, and how dimensional it was-I was hoping he would be coming home with us today as well.

Making sure that he and all of the kids know that at the heart of it, we are all part of one huge extended family, and wanting them all to occupy each others lives as much and as easily as possible. 
It is amazing to me to watch the 4 of them ( ages 6-13 ) play, laugh and look out for each other. 
I can not imagine what it might be like to spend such little time together and with his Dad, and have so many questions. He is such a sweet and friendly kid-assuming the role of the oldest ( with ease ) and talking about his Mom, Cousins and friends at school..I am so thankful for the kids who make everything so easy, and who just want to be and love each other and those around them. It is such a good reminder of what is important. 

When we drove home later, and it was just Zach and I in the car, his stories and memories about trips with family, a cousin that was living to be with his father for a while, the tension between other adults in his life told me there was so much conflict on his mind. What must it be like for him to be away from his Dad, and the family he was now a part of ? I have my own theories, but don't know what is really there. I have my own wants for them, but realize better that I focus on being and becoming myself. 
What I keep thinking about, is often how easy it is to stay in your own head, and experience things with your own past, hurts, and lens.  Yesterday was about love, about belonging and knowing that the kids can move freely in all of their worlds, and any they choose. 

The afternoon, and conversation on the way home reminded me of one of the responsibilities of adulthood. It is about being the person you can best be. Living from a place of love and grace, and knowing how closely all of the kids around you are paying attention.

It is often this that shapes them, and it is this that we leave behind. 





Camera Ready-The Perfect Baby Gift



There is nothing that is better then photographs of your kids....All around the house, we have great candid black and white and color photos of the kids over the years. 
My FAVORITE gift to give when someone has a baby ( in addition to stuff from our store...)
is this great out of print book from Arthur Elgort one of the all time best photographers. 

The images of his kids are fantastic, and there are really practical tips for even the most amateur photographer. 

You can get it at Amazon How to Shoot Your Kids