For four plus years I have been having this conversation. With myself, my husband and my therapist. The only difference is, I am the not the ex.
From the first time we met, there was the same chilly stare, ignoring me completely. The next stage were the insults and the request for a bio, and the implication of any kind of wrong doing possible. Through out these stages, I tried to be myself, kind, simple and making the best of a situation none of us had imgained...kids living through the separation of their family, adults living through hurt and failed marriages, divorce, the loss of the extended family members, and incredible pain and sadness.
In my mind, I never imagined the end of my own marriage, truly falling and being in love in my late 30s, step parenting and an ex wife that wanted nothing to do with healing and moving on.
I thought to myself, that at some point, we would all have a shared view of what life was like as adults who were not meant to spend a life time together, that knew deep down that they were their better selves with a different life partner. That the love for three amazing kids would allow them to come together and put everything else aside.
I thought about writing this post, I thought about writing to her.
Now, what comes to mind, and I hope comes to mind many more times in the future is as follows
I forgive. I forgive for the hurt we are all feeling, for the love that I know you must have inside of you and for the pain you must feel. I forgive as we are all human, and I know my own need for recognition and kindness is not the most important need.
In forgiving, I want to be the person who loves, is compassionate and acts with grace.
I want to experience the love story we have found, every day.
Photo courtesy of Sam