One step Closer

Just off the phone with our clinical coordinator. We have had a few appointments to prep for our IVF cycle, and today getting down to all the detail. Our clinical coordinator had a " minor procedure yesterday" so we had our meeting over the phone. Before the call, in my usual fashion, I was thinking I wanted both of us to be on the call so we could go through all of this together, understand what was coming up and just because. The other side of me of course thought, maybe I should just take the call myself and take notes to review with Scott later. Must be thinking I should not bother him with the details of this, and of course missing that we both are in this together. He wants to actually be on the phone, has been at all the appointments and is as excited and scared as I ( in different ways ) to have a baby together and add another child to our family.

Hmmm..I always thought I would not fall into any stereotypes. Would not feel badly about not being able to get pregnant without assistance, not feel emotional that we could not have a romantic weekend or period of months where we were trying and then we were surprised to find out one month we were expecting. And yet, here we are. Scared, excited, proud, and moving one step closer. Surrounded by a lot of people who want to help. Family, Doctors, Friends, Folks from work. 

There is no pride in doing things alone and without effort, disappointment, loss. As I think back on the week, I realize that at so many moments, letting others in and truly stepping towards loved ones gave us all the chance to truly participate in life. It is hard to say out loud that the pain that comes from thinking you won't be able to get pregnant and then to realize there is so much that you try. To go through a few months of hoping that now that their are doctors involved, that despite some of the statistics that this should likely work for you. It is hard for me to imagine the day that we find out we are pregnant, maybe because I am afraid it may not come. 

My husband always says to me that we are incredibly fortunate to have and write a love story. We found each other, we want more for each other, and we love each other with out question. This is the next chapter.